WATCHMAN

Today is 10/23 (Read 10:23 Blog HERE ) so we are fully convinced that today is the day to write this long overdue blog. We apologize for our extended period of silence. Many of you have asked and wondered about the adoption story in May and we meant to update this blog long before now but life got crazy. We moved in July and our miracle baby came in September, and in between, life was just…life. You know how it goes! To be quite honest, we knew there would be a certain level of pain in bringing this out into the open.  Letting everyone know about what happened in May with our planned adoption is hard to do, but we feel called today to proclaim how God has been with us through all of it. We want to step up to the plate (on the heels of the Cubs’ winning the pennant), fly our own “W” and tell you about our newest addition -- WAKE THOMAS! But first, please share in our suffering before we share the surprise we experienced just three weeks ago. God is so faithful beyond our imagination and we are constantly in awe of the way He provides. So buckle up, we are going to try and give you the highlights of the past few months and also invite you into what we feel like is ahead. We love you and thank you for journeying with us so far. Your prayers during the past few months have sustained us. We love our village!

On May 22, we left with a car full of baby things ready to go get our son or daughter. Clothes were washed in Dreft, car seat properly installed and bottles ready to be filled. We were so excited. The whole drive there we could hardly contain ourselves. We were finally going to meet our newest Team D member. We left Fenley in Fort Walton Beach with Becca’s parents and she was equally excited about us bringing this new little life back with us at the end of the week. One of Becca’s students from her time teaching at Friendship Christian had parents that lived just south of St. Pete so we spent time there leading up to leaving for the hospital. We greatly enjoyed our time with the Ritchasons. We know that God had this divine time set because our time with them was for sure the highlight of those few days. They prayed over us and encouraged us in huge ways. Their home was a place full of the peace of God. They even spoiled us rotten with yummy vegan and gluten free foods which is a huge deal when travelling with food restrictions. Beth and Dewayne, thank you. Your hospitality was such a gift and being with you prepared us for the following two days. As we left their house to make our way to the hospital to see our birth mother before her scheduled C-section we got a call from the social worker that she had changed her mind about the hospital plan and was unsure what our involvement would be at the hospital. We still were holding onto hope that everything would be okay but knew that things were starting to look a little rocky. We went to the hospital to see our birth mother. We took her a monogrammed robe and a bag of goodies. We ensured her of our excitement for this child! She seemed like she was still on board but we did notice that it seemed like her emotions were starting to shift. We left praying and trusting God that all things would work out.

On Monday night, May 23, we went to dinner to TRY taking our minds off of things. We knew that “our baby” had been born but were waiting for the okay to come meet him/her. It was the weirdest feeling to be sitting at dinner and knowing just 1 mile down the road was our child but we hadn’t been able to see him/her. While at dinner we made small talk with our waitress. Guess what? In God fashion, He decides to give us a wink and our waitress shares how she was adopted and believes in adoption. We felt like this was a little encouragement. We went back to the hotel and were still waiting for the call to come meet our child. We got a call letting us know that nothing had changed thus far and just to hang on tight. We turned on the TV and after not having cable it was fun to just lie on a hotel bed and get lost in a hallmark movie…thank goodness for cheesy movies when your mind needs to just turn off. But to be real, not much sleep happened that night. We prayed. We tossed and turned and waited.

 We got up Tuesday morning and went for a walk. While walking we cried out to God. We went through everything and really were feeling good about going to see our baby. We were hopeful anyways. On our way back to the hotel to grab a couple of things, Becca’s phone rang. We were hoping that it was the call that we could come meet our baby (the last 36 hours seemed like an eternity waiting) but it was actually the opposite. The next little bit of time is a blur and was gut wrenching. We hit the hotel room floor. It was a punch in the gut. It was that heart place you never want to go. WE cried. We sobbed. WE yelled. We asked questions. We laid in silence. We got sick. We were distraught. It was as if our baby died. Because in that moment we went from knowing our baby would be riding home in our car seat with us to no baby at all. We lost that child. Nothing or no one could replace that loss.

Our birth mother decided to parent. Many would say that this is a good thing. And while we do hope and pray it is a good thing, it is hard to understand. After providing for her and the baby for months and knowing that she did not have family support at all, it was mind-boggling that all was changed in an instant. We know God ultimately wants babies with their mommas but we also know God wants babies in safe places physically, emotionally and spiritually. We are praying for our birth mother that there will be people who will walk alongside her to raise this baby. It was hard to not let the enemy creep in and sow seeds of anger. We admit on the way home (the LONGEST 8 hour drive EVER), we had some anger moments. Who am I kidding? We were angry for days, but now, months later we trust that God is providing and taking care of that little life. We know He can allow extended family, teachers, coaches, neighbors, and more to help mold that little life.

And again, in the way only God can, He spoke to us on our way home. We stopped at a Cracker Barrel in the middle of nowhere to drown our sorrows in country cooked food and He was there. Our waitress there asked how we were. Boy did she open up a can of worms! We were honest with her. We said we have a car full of baby crap and no baby! How do you think we are!?! And she was so kind. We told her the short version and she said, “I understand.” We were confused. She was all of 19 and her name was Sammy. She went on to tell us her shortened version of her story. Her mother was going to put her up for adoption. In fact a sweet family was waiting for her arrival at the hospital but her birth father and grandmother stopped the adoption and decided to parent her instead. She looked at us and said, “I can only imagine the family that was waiting for me was a nice family like you and I feel bad.” You could tell there was a wondering in her eyes and spirit….what would her life have looked like? Do you have God chills because let me tell you, we sure did. We cried even more. Sammy ended up picking up our ticket. She said it was a way for her to give to us and give back. WOW. So humbling.  God was all over this. He was with us. He was with Sammy. He was with the little baby that we thought was ours. But guess what? That baby is HIS! We are all HIS.

We made it home and knew that we had a tough few days ahead. We couldn’t wait to hug our Fenley. She handled the news like a champion. She was sad but like kids do, they rally and are so strong. Becca’s parents stayed and helped us so much. They helped us process our grief and loved us so well. Many tears were shed that week but God provided many moments of healing. We didn’t want to rush our grief. We had some people who meant so well but said things like: “well, at least you’re pregnant and you still have that baby.” Yes, we are so grateful for the life we were carrying but we also had to allow ourselves to fully grieve the child we lost. We were relieved when we received permission from a doctor to fully grieve. She said that when this happens we have to acknowledge that we had a death essentially. She said one life doesn’t replace another. We realized we could be happy and joyful about our baby coming but we could also be heartbroken about the one we lost. The tension in emotions is hard to balance at times but we can’t know joy without sorrow.

“God sets the lonely in families…” Psalm 68:6

Where are we now? Well we are in Nashville, TN and loving life with our newest addition, WAKE. And guess what? We are STILL adopting. Many, many caring people have asked and wondered if we were continuing to pursue adoption or not. Of course we are! God called us to adopt before we even knew about our biological baby. That call and desire hasn’t changed. If anything, it has gotten stronger! Fenley and Wake are ready to see who is coming next. We are at the top of a baby born list. This means any day (now, next week, 6 months from now) we could get a call about a baby born and we are on our way to get him/her/them. Please pray for this process.

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess because He who promised is faithful.”

 Hebrews 10:23

 On September 29, Wake Thomas arrived. After years of waiting to add to our team, we can’t put into words the JOY there was in holding this sweet boy. We will tell of the birth soon. Such a fun day with our perfect surprise…especially in waiting to see if it was a boy or girl! You can see the joy on Fenley’s face when she found out she had a baby brother. Many have asked about his name. Wake has a few different meanings. Tim WAKEfield was one of Nathan’s favorite pitchers for the Red Sox. We love water and our time in Destin was so healing during our infertility journey and a wake reminds us of the water. And last but not least, Wake is an old English surname meaning “watchman”. As we got closer to picking out a boy name, Nathan found this meaning and immediately this name meant so much to us. We feel as if Wake is watching out for those that are still to come.

We aren’t in a rush and we are soaking up every moment with Wake and Fenley, but we also know God has something around the corner. Just as you have so many times before, often times, at 10:23, we ask you, right now, on 10/23 to join with us, praying and believing for more to come. You know what else? Thomas is both of our father’s names and Nathan’s middle name so it is a great family name. But guess what else? It means TWIN. Yep! As we still have our other car seat to fill, a double stroller that we are still holding onto and matching onesies waiting to be filled, we are claiming his (Wake’s) name all the more. And we pray our story points to HIS name all the time!

“This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.” Habakkuk 2:3

Here are a few songs that have become a great source of encouragement and joy for our family lately. May you enjoy them! 

We like this song as we look into the eyes of Wake Never Lose our Wonder by Bethel

And we have shared this before but the first verse takes on even more meaning now...

Safe and Sound by Matthew West

And as we end, we leave you with this amazing picture of this great BIG sister. Thank you Jesus! 

Glory Story Revealed

 

Glory Story.  That’s all this picture represents. His story revealing His glory in His perfect timing. We are just the three that get to go along for the glorious adventure ride. God did this. Not “relaxing”, not coincidence, not “that always happens after people adopt”, and not because we quit stressing and thinking about it…GOD DID THIS.  His timing. His way. He knew that the baby our birth mother is carrying needed to be a Daniel. So He waited until we were walking in that commitment. BUT even as much as our hearts celebrate the miracle right in front of us, our hearts still break DAILY for those waiting. Waiting for God to align a couple’s hearts with adoption desire. Waiting to be matched with a birth mom. Waiting for a baby in your womb that is healthy. Waiting to receive answers from a fertility specialist. Waiting to add arrows to your family’s quiver. Waiting. We hurt as we cry and pray alongside you asking God for more of His miracles to be revealed in your family. We love you.

Warning: If you don’t believe that God still loves to do miracles today, don’t keep reading.

We don’t really know where to start as we write this next installment in this adventure because quite honestly we had no idea that this would be a chapter. What a surprise! Back in December we got told by a fertility doctor that we have been working with for a while that our chances for conception naturally (no medicine or procedures) was next to impossible. Actually he gave us the figure of .001%. Needless to say, the odds weren’t exactly in our favor. Let’s just say we started having a lot of conversations. What do we do next? Why? We have Fenley and she is healthy and wonderful. Our minds went a hundred different directions. Christmas came and went and we still weren’t sure where we were at with getting matched with a birth mom. We started to get sad and overwhelmed. Then we got matched with our birth mom! You can read about that amazing process HERE.

Our Miracle #1 is quite the
swimmer! Butterfly is her fav
just like mommy!

After getting matched with her we were so excited! We knew we had a baby coming in May so we embraced this joy, deciding to fully walk with contentment and trust while focusing on the wonderful gift coming our way.

“But wait… That’s not all!” It was as if this infamous catch phrase you only hear on late-night infomercials happened to us in real life and God was the one saying it! Becca was scheduled for yet another appointment with our specialist but something was different this time. She insisted on delaying her appointment and doing a test of her own at home. These tests had been done many times before though… the test would come back negative and life would go on. That would’ve been true except this pregnancy test had a different result. Fenley was gone to a church retreat that Sunday morning which was God’s timing because to say we were in shock would be quite the understatement. We both went from crying, to shock, laughter, back to crying again all mixed in with some praise dancing! J We honestly couldn’t believe our eyes! Could this really be right?

Some dear friends got us
these onesies over a year ago
as a promise gift that more
were on the way. We are
so thankful for friends who
believe with us!

Becca drove to the fertility clinic on Monday and the news was confirmed. They were a little nervous about levels so they told her she might need to return a few more times that week. On Tuesday they called and said that her levels were so high she was getting referred out to a regular OB/GYN. And they confirmed that this IS a miracle!!!! Of course, we already knew that! God loves that we have modern day medicine, and He wants us to be wise and utilize the knowledge He has given others but He also LOVES to show off His power too! We serve such a great, GREAT God.

Just to assure you there has NEVER been a moment in which we thought about changing our minds to adopt. We automatically knew that this meant 2 babies— Twins! (4 months apart). We know that this is the way God intended this. We also knew that we were going to have to tell our birth mother. We were nervous that she might change her mind. We immediately started praying that she would see how this was God’s timing and she would have the same peace knowing in her heart that our babies we were both carrying were meant to be siblings. As we drove to see her 2 weeks ago, we prayed. We talked about how we would tell her. We pulled into Chili’s (upon her request) and enjoyed some small talk over queso and chips. (chips always help right?) Finally after what seemed like an eternity we went for it. So crazy that we were nervous because her response was nothing short of a wonderful miracle. Why did we ever doubt that God went ahead and prepared her heart?! He is so good. She immediately said “Congrats! This is wonderful! You will have your hands full. This changes nothing for me!”. Wow. What an incredible gift!

While in St. Pete we realized
it was spring training. Nathan
being a huge baseball fan said
this had to be a bonus and so
we went to a Phillies/Blue Jays
game with seats on the grass.
A perfect ending to a perfect
weekend!

Our time with our birth mother after lunch was such a blessing. We got to catch up and hear how she is doing. We also got the chance to pray over her before we left. What an honor to lay our hands on her and pray life and love over her and the baby she is carrying. She is truly an incredible woman and we are so thankful she is in our life. She is currently having some difficulties with her living situation and this is not the first time this has happened. She has had to move a few times due to different stressors from her past history. This has meant that we have had extra expenses come up. Our total cost is estimated between $33-$38,000. God has provided every step of the way and we know He will not stop now. We remind ourselves constantly that if He calls us to it, He will equip us through it & “God funds what He favors!” If you feel called to assist us in this final chapter financially to get our birth mother taken care of in the last couple of months we greatly appreciate it. You can email us at ntdaniel123@gmail.com to get details on giving. Please continue to pray for her. She has about 8 weeks left of pregnancy and the next time we are with her we will be welcoming our second child into the world.

This whole process has reminded us of different verses along the way and we have shared those with you. We can’t help but be reminded of our Team D family verse from 2013 which says “Now to Him who is able to do IMMEASUREABLY MORE than all we can ask or imagine….”finish this verse. More…. MUCH MORE. Double the blessing. We can’t wait to share these miracle babies with you! Each of you has been and will continue to be such a huge part of our journey and we are thankful. We still need your prayers! Pray boldly in Jesus’ name for healthy babies and smooth deliveries and easy recoveries for both our birth mother and Becca. Are we a little nervous about what life looks like with two babies four months apart? Of course! But we know God will be with us. While on our way to St. Pete a few weeks ago, we were listening to a Zoe Praise and Worship CD and this song called "We Are Not Afraid" came on. We have never paid much attention to it but as we sat and took in the words we knew that God was speaking to us through this song.

This miracle-filled glory story is still being written, and the truth is, we still have a longing in our hearts for those that we love dearly. When you walk through infertility no matter how long the journey is, your heart for those who are enduring it becomes heavy. We have dear friends who are in this journey. Some of them have been there longer than we can imagine. Their faith has been tested time and time again yet they choose to continue to love and worship God. They also rejoice with us and others while they are still walking in the valley. We simply cannot rejoice in our circumstances without asking you to join us in fighting and praying for these families. We have been talking to each other about the tension in praising God for our miracles yet waiting on Him to answer others desires to have babies too. As you pray a prayer of thanksgiving on our behalf (which you should totally do!), PLEASE bring those that are waiting to the throne as well. For those of you reading this that are in the valley, we love you. We stand with you crying out. We will not forget you. Your faith and courage amaze us. Thank you for your example.

God is good. He is real. He is working. Never late, but rarely early. Thank you for being in our village. Let the new adventure begin! (And yes, we are not finding out the gender of either one....so what will it be? Boys, girls or one of each. Wait and stay tuned!)

Fenley is already getting
gifts as she begins her big
sister training! This is from
our cousins in NYC so she
can read Rosie to her brother(s)
and/or sister(s)

 

HERE and NOW

What a start it has been to 2016! Get ready because there is much to share and rejoice over. God continues to prove his faithfulness. God continues to work in our waiting.

 

The end of the year brought a bit of disappointment as we were hoping to be matched with a birth mom before the holidays. We just knew that having a date for a baby to join our family would be the best Christmas present. But with no news, we continued to wait and fight through our own thoughts. Waiting is so hard. But God’s timing is perfect, right? Never late, never early, but always right on time. Just before we left for Nashville on December 18 to celebrate the Holidays, we got a call from the agency about a new birth mom. At the agency’s request, from this point forward, we will refer to her by her alias, “Victoria.” We read over her profile and felt an immediate peace. We knew we wanted our family to be presented to her. She was in jail for a few weeks so the agency took our book to show her. Victoria chose to hang on to our book for a while. The agency told us that we might hear something before Christmas day because the agency wanted to present a few more families. Christmas day came and went with no news. In between Christmas and New Years, they went and visited Victoria again and she said she had narrowed it down to 2 families and we were one of them. We got the call saying we made it to the final 2 families but that she needed time to decide. We continued to pray, knowing what a huge decision this courageous birth mother was trying to make. We texted and called some of our prayer warriors and asked them to pray. This is a hard thing to pray for. Let’s face it…we wanted to be chosen. You feel as if you are competing against another family and you don’t even know who your competition is. Haha! We knew we desired a baby and wanted to be matched so getting chosen would be great however we wanted what God wanted. We knew and prayed that if that baby was supposed to be a Daniel then she would pick us. But if that baby was not supposed to be in our family then she would pick the other family. We prayed this prayer over and over. Many of you joined us praying this. We waited. And waited some more. They told us we would know first week of January.

Side note: We choose a word and verse every year as a family to start off our new year. (see this blog post for details HERE ) This year as we made the drive back to Ft. Walton Beach from TN we discussed what our word and verse would be. Fenley said HERE and NOW. We liked that. We discussed what that means. We talked about how to be present and intentional in the wherever we are and whatever God has for us in that exact moment. We want to soak up our time here, living in Florida but also take the time to enjoy our visits to Tennessee. We desire to soak up today and not worry about tomorrow…to put away our cell phones more… to watch less TV… be more hospitable… to enjoy our family of three… to be excited about a growing family but enjoy who we are now.  Ultimately, we want to be in the HERE and NOW in life. We want God to work in the HERE and NOW. We thought that 1 Thess. 5:16-18 went well with this, “Rejoice always. Pray without stopping. Give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” We started putting this into practice and training ourselves -- Giving thanks in ALL things & trusting God’s timing with growing our family by showing extreme gratitude for what He is already doing! As we started making these words take root, we had no idea that God really had something in the HERE and NOW waiting just around the corner.

The first week of January comes and the agency calls and says that Victoria has requested one more week to make her decision. She had gotten out of jail and was starting fresh and needed some time to really think this over. As much as we wanted her to DECIDE already, we knew that we trusted her. We felt a certain peace wash over us because we knew that God was speaking to her and she wasn’t choosing quickly. She was really thinking this over…I mean it is a big decision! She is choosing the family that will raise the life she is carrying. HUGE decision. Sometimes we take days to decide things like “what will we do for our date night this weekend”.

On Friday night, January 8, we were headed to some friends house to play games. Just before we left we discussed how long this process was taking. We were growing weary and anxious. We trusted God, but we also were trying to discern. Was she changing her mind? Was she unsure about either family? Were we supposed to even be matched with her? We had so many questions and so many doubts started to creep in. We made our way to our friends house (to play Ticket to Ride – one of our favorites by the way and Yes, Nathan won) and in the car Becca’s phone rings. It is 7:30CST and our agency is in St. Pete so it is 8:30 there….why are they calling we think. We pick up the phone and they say, “We wanted you to have the good news before the weekend that Victoria has chosen YOUR family! Congratulations! She is due in MAY!” WHAT?! She chose us. We are 5 months “pregnant”. WOW. Wait, what!? Really?! So exciting! Emotions ran wild. Once again, God is never late but rarely early. His timing is perfect.

We got the match completely set on Monday, January 11 and made plans to get to St. Pete as soon as possible. We knew that God wanted to us to meet Victoria as soon to affirm her decision and love on her. We left this past Thursday night and had our appointment to meet her and one of the social workers at Applebee’s (per Victoria’s request) on Friday, January 15. We were extremely nervous as we drove there. Nathan was sweating and Becca thumbed through facebook to distract her mind. Our minds were racing. We wondered if we should stand when we meet her, hug her, shake her hand, what?! We prayed that the spirit would be present and we felt the many prayers of others covering us. Immediately upon meeting her, we felt a peace. She did too. She told us a few times throughout our time together that she felt at peace about us. We enjoyed lunch with some small talk about our families’ likes and dislikes. Guess what?! She loves Taco Bell. We love eating healthy most of the time, but we must admit that is one of our favs too. (go ahead and judge, but who doesn’t love fast food Mexican?) Our lunch went wonderfully. There was never an awkward period in the conversation. God was present.

Victoria shared different things about her family and herself. We wanted to forever remember these things to tell our child one day. On our way home, we wrote these things down so when our child asks about their incredible birth mother we have valuable information about Victoria and her family. This time and what she shared with us was so precious. We are still thanking God for those sweet moments.

After we got done eating, Victoria spoke sincerely from her heart. She shared with us why she has chosen adoption. She admitted that abortion had been a first thought but after realizing that there are families that are out there that can’t get pregnant and have a baby, she knew that would be a selfish desire. She wants to make a new life for herself and her 11 month old little boy and knows that the best way to do that is by giving this baby to a family that is excited to raise him/her. We assured her that we will forever speak of her with respect and honor. Becca was able to speak truth over Victoria and let her know our desire to let this baby know that it’s not by a lack of love that she is putting this baby up for adoption but an overwhelming love that is sacrificial. Our birth mother is such a sweet person, we can’t express that enough. She is beautiful. She is kind and tender hearted. She is courageous and selfless. We could not have hand-picked a better birth mother for our child.  

At one point during the Holy Spirit filled conversation, Victoria told us that she actually had wanted to place her baby with a family that did not have a child but that she could not get our family’s picture out of her head. We told her that was God! He obviously wanted this baby to be in our family. It was a neat moment, one we will never forget, to realize that her desire to place her child in a family that could not have children really was happening. She did not know our infertility journey but God did. Do you see that God knows our hearts desires and loves making them come true? That is the theme of our story. He loves to answer our prayers…even in the HERE and NOW. Any time we spoke of Fenley, Victoria would smile big. She loved thinking about her being a big sister. We asked her if it would be okay to have a surprise with the gender and not find out what she is having. She said that is great with her. Yes, we know that originally God had laid on our hearts for a boy BUT we feel such a peace about our birth mother that we are great with whatever God has in store for our family. So here we are…waiting. Will we have a boy or a girl? Come mid-late May we will know! Four short months sit between us and our sweet Team D baby. Please pray for Victoria as she has a doctor visit this Thursday, January 21. We are praying health over her and the baby. We will know more about the exact due date and plan for the birth then.

What are we doing NOW? We are thanking God. We are praising His mighty name. He knew all along the perfect birth mother for us.  We adore the woman carrying our child. Victoria told us that she is already detaching from this baby and she was thrilled to know that so many were so excited for this life. She said she wanted somebody to be excited. We told her she has no idea how many are eagerly awaiting this baby to enter our life and she does not have to worry about that! This brought her great comfort.

As we start to register for baby items and decide on names for both boy and girl, we can’t help but beam with excitement and peace. God has heard our cry. He had His perfect plan waiting for us all along.

 Thank you God for hearing us. Thank you God for sending us Victoria. Please bless her. Let her know she is not alone and she is greatly loved. Thank you for never leaving us all alone. You are a good, good Father.