Sunday, October 23, 2016

WATCHMAN


Today is 10/23 (Read 10:23 Blog HERE ) so we are fully convinced that today is the day to write this long overdue blog. We apologize for our extended period of silence. Many of you have asked and wondered about the adoption story in May and we meant to update this blog long before now but life got crazy. We moved in July and our miracle baby came in September, and in between, life was just…life. You know how it goes! To be quite honest, we knew there would be a certain level of pain in bringing this out into the open.  Letting everyone know about what happened in May with our planned adoption is hard to do, but we feel called today to proclaim how God has been with us through all of it. We want to step up to the plate (on the heels of the Cubs’ winning the pennant), fly our own “W” and tell you about our newest addition -- WAKE THOMAS! But first, please share in our suffering before we share the surprise we experienced just three weeks ago. God is so faithful beyond our imagination and we are constantly in awe of the way He provides. So buckle up, we are going to try and give you the highlights of the past few months and also invite you into what we feel like is ahead. We love you and thank you for journeying with us so far. Your prayers during the past few months have sustained us. We love our village!

On May 22, we left with a car full of baby things ready to go get our son or daughter. Clothes were washed in Dreft, car seat properly installed and bottles ready to be filled. We were so excited. The whole drive there we could hardly contain ourselves. We were finally going to meet our newest Team D member. We left Fenley in Fort Walton Beach with Becca’s parents and she was equally excited about us bringing this new little life back with us at the end of the week. One of Becca’s students from her time teaching at Friendship Christian had parents that lived just south of St. Pete so we spent time there leading up to leaving for the hospital. We greatly enjoyed our time with the Ritchasons. We know that God had this divine time set because our time with them was for sure the highlight of those few days. They prayed over us and encouraged us in huge ways. Their home was a place full of the peace of God. They even spoiled us rotten with yummy vegan and gluten free foods which is a huge deal when travelling with food restrictions. Beth and Dewayne, thank you. Your hospitality was such a gift and being with you prepared us for the following two days. As we left their house to make our way to the hospital to see our birth mother before her scheduled C-section we got a call from the social worker that she had changed her mind about the hospital plan and was unsure what our involvement would be at the hospital. We still were holding onto hope that everything would be okay but knew that things were starting to look a little rocky. We went to the hospital to see our birth mother. We took her a monogrammed robe and a bag of goodies. We ensured her of our excitement for this child! She seemed like she was still on board but we did notice that it seemed like her emotions were starting to shift. We left praying and trusting God that all things would work out.

On Monday night, May 23, we went to dinner to TRY taking our minds off of things. We knew that “our baby” had been born but were waiting for the okay to come meet him/her. It was the weirdest feeling to be sitting at dinner and knowing just 1 mile down the road was our child but we hadn’t been able to see him/her. While at dinner we made small talk with our waitress. Guess what? In God fashion, He decides to give us a wink and our waitress shares how she was adopted and believes in adoption. We felt like this was a little encouragement. We went back to the hotel and were still waiting for the call to come meet our child. We got a call letting us know that nothing had changed thus far and just to hang on tight. We turned on the TV and after not having cable it was fun to just lie on a hotel bed and get lost in a hallmark movie…thank goodness for cheesy movies when your mind needs to just turn off. But to be real, not much sleep happened that night. We prayed. We tossed and turned and waited.

 We got up Tuesday morning and went for a walk. While walking we cried out to God. We went through everything and really were feeling good about going to see our baby. We were hopeful anyways. On our way back to the hotel to grab a couple of things, Becca’s phone rang. We were hoping that it was the call that we could come meet our baby (the last 36 hours seemed like an eternity waiting) but it was actually the opposite. The next little bit of time is a blur and was gut wrenching. We hit the hotel room floor. It was a punch in the gut. It was that heart place you never want to go. WE cried. We sobbed. WE yelled. We asked questions. We laid in silence. We got sick. We were distraught. It was as if our baby died. Because in that moment we went from knowing our baby would be riding home in our car seat with us to no baby at all. We lost that child. Nothing or no one could replace that loss.

Our birth mother decided to parent. Many would say that this is a good thing. And while we do hope and pray it is a good thing, it is hard to understand. After providing for her and the baby for months and knowing that she did not have family support at all, it was mind-boggling that all was changed in an instant. We know God ultimately wants babies with their mommas but we also know God wants babies in safe places physically, emotionally and spiritually. We are praying for our birth mother that there will be people who will walk alongside her to raise this baby. It was hard to not let the enemy creep in and sow seeds of anger. We admit on the way home (the LONGEST 8 hour drive EVER), we had some anger moments. Who am I kidding? We were angry for days, but now, months later we trust that God is providing and taking care of that little life. We know He can allow extended family, teachers, coaches, neighbors, and more to help mold that little life.

And again, in the way only God can, He spoke to us on our way home. We stopped at a Cracker Barrel in the middle of nowhere to drown our sorrows in country cooked food and He was there. Our waitress there asked how we were. Boy did she open up a can of worms! We were honest with her. We said we have a car full of baby crap and no baby! How do you think we are!?! And she was so kind. We told her the short version and she said, “I understand.” We were confused. She was all of 19 and her name was Sammy. She went on to tell us her shortened version of her story. Her mother was going to put her up for adoption. In fact a sweet family was waiting for her arrival at the hospital but her birth father and grandmother stopped the adoption and decided to parent her instead. She looked at us and said, “I can only imagine the family that was waiting for me was a nice family like you and I feel bad.” You could tell there was a wondering in her eyes and spirit….what would her life have looked like? Do you have God chills because let me tell you, we sure did. We cried even more. Sammy ended up picking up our ticket. She said it was a way for her to give to us and give back. WOW. So humbling.  God was all over this. He was with us. He was with Sammy. He was with the little baby that we thought was ours. But guess what? That baby is HIS! We are all HIS.

We made it home and knew that we had a tough few days ahead. We couldn’t wait to hug our Fenley. She handled the news like a champion. She was sad but like kids do, they rally and are so strong. Becca’s parents stayed and helped us so much. They helped us process our grief and loved us so well. Many tears were shed that week but God provided many moments of healing. We didn’t want to rush our grief. We had some people who meant so well but said things like: “well, at least you’re pregnant and you still have that baby.” Yes, we are so grateful for the life we were carrying but we also had to allow ourselves to fully grieve the child we lost. We were relieved when we received permission from a doctor to fully grieve. She said that when this happens we have to acknowledge that we had a death essentially. She said one life doesn’t replace another. We realized we could be happy and joyful about our baby coming but we could also be heartbroken about the one we lost. The tension in emotions is hard to balance at times but we can’t know joy without sorrow.

“God sets the lonely in families…” Psalm 68:6

Where are we now? Well we are in Nashville, TN and loving life with our newest addition, WAKE. And guess what? We are STILL adopting. Many, many caring people have asked and wondered if we were continuing to pursue adoption or not. Of course we are! God called us to adopt before we even knew about our biological baby. That call and desire hasn’t changed. If anything, it has gotten stronger! Fenley and Wake are ready to see who is coming next. We are at the top of a baby born list. This means any day (now, next week, 6 months from now) we could get a call about a baby born and we are on our way to get him/her/them. Please pray for this process.


“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess because He who promised is faithful.”
 Hebrews 10:23

 On September 29, Wake Thomas arrived. After years of waiting to add to our team, we can’t put into words the JOY there was in holding this sweet boy. We will tell of the birth soon. Such a fun day with our perfect surprise…especially in waiting to see if it was a boy or girl! You can see the joy on Fenley’s face when she found out she had a baby brother. Many have asked about his name. Wake has a few different meanings. Tim WAKEfield was one of Nathan’s favorite pitchers for the Red Sox. We love water and our time in Destin was so healing during our infertility journey and a wake reminds us of the water. And last but not least, Wake is an old English surname meaning “watchman”. As we got closer to picking out a boy name, Nathan found this meaning and immediately this name meant so much to us. We feel as if Wake is watching out for those that are still to come.


We aren’t in a rush and we are soaking up every moment with Wake and Fenley, but we also know God has something around the corner. Just as you have so many times before, often times, at 10:23, we ask you, right now, on 10/23 to join with us, praying and believing for more to come. You know what else? Thomas is both of our father’s names and Nathan’s middle name so it is a great family name. But guess what else? It means TWIN. Yep! As we still have our other car seat to fill, a double stroller that we are still holding onto and matching onesies waiting to be filled, we are claiming his (Wake’s) name all the more. And we pray our story points to HIS name all the time!

“This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.” Habakkuk 2:3

Here are a few songs that have become a great source of encouragement and joy for our family lately. May you enjoy them! 
We like this song as we look into the eyes of Wake Never Lose our Wonder by Bethel
And we have shared this before but the first verse takes on even more meaning now...

And as we end, we leave you with this amazing picture of this great BIG sister. Thank you Jesus! 

Celebration of Canaan's Life

Arrangements for Canaan's Celebration of Life service have been scheduled, and Becca and Nathan would love anyone who's been touched...